Writing: a stream of consciousness exercise

When I was in university, I kept a journal. I have it still; several spiral notebooks filled with reflections on the daily tribulations and triumphs of my life. Much of the writing is overwrought, the events are painful to recall and for many years I cringed to read it.

I still have the journals tucked away in a box downstairs. I haven't looked at them since I moved here to Canada nearly 7 years ago. The last time, I could read them from the distance of 25 years, and I loved the girl who wrote them. The writing is still overwrought, but I can remember the overwrought girl who penned them and I can't imagine how she could write any other way.

I have always written in a very personal voice. I think that's one of the reasons I don't do well at fiction; discovering a character's voice seems beyond my grasp. My best writing seems to come from my own experience or connections. I have also been proud of my critical writing, for much the same reason; I bring my own knowledge and understanding to a review or analysis. Even my papers written for schoolwork tend to have that same personal tone to them. Sometimes I worry that I am too conversational and informal, but my professors generally seemed to give me high marks. Still, that is one reason I hesitate to consider going after a masters degree. I cannot imagine writing in the formal style that would be demanded of me.

I often find myself comparing my writing to others and find myself falling short. Am I a good writer? Beats me. My own writing is so deeply personal to me that I have difficulty looking at it from the outside. I find I have to come back to it from the distance of time in order to be able to judge what I have written. I think Stephen King is the one who recommended putting away your first draft for several months before revisiting it. The time away from your "baby" is necessary in order to bring an unbiased eye to the project. That certainly holds true for me. While in the process of writing, I often limit the amount of editing I do, because if I tried to make it perfect, I would throw up my hands in despair and delete the whole damn thing. So, I write and read it over once or twice for basic corrections and clarifications and then hit that publish button. Whether or not it is worth reading is up to you, my stalkers, to determine. I hope that occasionally, it is.

But for now, as it was back then, the reason for the writing is in the act of getting words, words with meaning, on the page. That girl, for all her faults as a writer, recorded a life that was uniquely hers. She speaks to me across the years and for that, I applaud her. I then turn to the life that is uniquely mine and attempt to do the same.